in one month i’ll be on a plane heading east, over the Atlantic to a temporary home in Niger. lately i’ve been asked the question, “are you prepared for your trip?” and more often then not, i respond with a simple, “prepared in my heart, but not physically yet.” but if i were being totally honest, i would tell you that every day i have to rely on Jesus’ peace to feel prepared for this experience.
i pray for peace every time i think about my kids meeting for Bible study without me, my sister making coffee for one every morning, missing the moment when zoey says her name with a “z” for the first time, missing jack jack’s transformation from tiny wrinkled creature into a baby that looks like a tiny human, my girls going to their senior year homecoming dances…. and the list goes on. i pray for peace because i know this is part of my journey, to spend these next few months in Africa, but it is still difficult to think about life moving forward without me.
it’s naive for me to think that i’m just putting my life in Maryland “on hold” for a few months because that simply isn’t possible. life will move on here. my students will struggle through AP classes and college applications. my family will spend time together and make new memories that i won’t share. my church will sing on without me and my small group will bear each others burdens as they continue living life together. and these thoughts bring an anxious weight to my chest, and a fear that i’m going to miss too much to be gone so long…
but it’s in these moments of anxiety when God reminds me that none of those things are truly mine. He has allowed me to share a part in all of those communities, experiences, challenges, moments; but they are His. and because they are His, i don’t need to fear that i am missing anything at all. because He has asked me to be a part of another community, experience, challenge and moment that is also His, for such a time as this.
and so i surrender to the trust that is like quicksand, allowing it to claim everything i think is my own, because i know that it will give me life. freedom. peace to walk with Him where my faith has no borders. where i can truly sink into His mercy and grace for my life. and i can know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that He is readying me for this new journey, this new season in my crazy, adventure-filled life.
and i will cling to this peace that lasts forever, that is beyond my understanding. and i will be excited to hear about how my kids are growing spiritually, how zoey is growing physically, how God is working in and through my church, how my family is growing and changing… and i will be excited to share how God is using me, growing me, sharpening me, molding me, teaching me. for such a time as this.
my heart may have to be reminded every day of His peace and His plan, but i can say that it is ready for this journey. wherever it may lead.
“grace, mercy and peace will be with us, from God the Father and from Jesus Christ the Father’s Son, in truth and in love.” 2 john 1:3
PRAY: peace for my family; confidence and leadership for emily, who will take over leadership in Tracer; discernment for my students as they pray for their roles in gifts; open doors for faith conversations every step of this journey, even before i step foot in the airplane; boldness and courage for myself.
(hillsong- sinking deep)