it’s been some time…
but i have something i need to say. enjoy.
i’ve been praying recently for us to be able to see each other not as we normally would. but to see each other as Jesus sees us. we get really concerned with appearance, both physical and spiritual, emotional and relational… and so i’ve been thinking about the word transparent. which can be one of those words that people throw around but hardly ever aspire to.
if you think about the word as it is defined: ‘allowing light to pass through so that objects behind can be distinctly seen; easy to perceive or detect; having thoughts, feelings, or motives that are easily perceived.’ then it sounds scary. “having thoughts, feelings, or motives that are easily perceived. this means ALL our thoughts, feelings and motives. and if we’re being really honest, i’m not sure i want everyone to know all my thoughts, feelings and motives. they are not good all the time. in fact, i would say a majority of the time my thoughts, feelings and motives are selfish. unflattering. spiteful. terribly monster-like.
but if there is anything that i have learned recently, it’s this.
i’m not alone.
we all have terribly monster-like thoughts, feelings, motives. and i expect people to love me in spite of being monster-like. so. i think it’s time for me to start loving monsters.
and i think i should start by being a bit transparent myself. yikes… ripping off the band-aid.
– i like to control most situations. i’m working on not controlling you.
– i like to be right all the time. at the expense of others. i do not like looking dumb. i’m working on admitting when i don’t know something.
– i like things to stay somewhat the same. don’t mess with my traditions. only i can change them. this weekend i enjoyed misfit christmas. because i let go.
– i like to make things better. right away. i don’t like people to be mad. especially not at me. last week i had to learn to let people have space. not everyone works out their issues like i do. some people need time.
– i like to be involved in everything. i’m working on stepping back. the world does not revolve around me. in fact it moves really well on its own.
upon review, this is a mild case of transparency. thin. veiled. shallow.
see, even my first attempt needs some revision. i’m not really sure i want to do that just yet.
i’m working on it.
this all started because i had this thought. this simple thought that we just need to be able to see through the thick coat of monster we sometimes wear. Jesus does. He knows the cracks we have in our hearts. but He knows why they’re there. how they got there. and He accepts us with those cracks, in our monster suits.
can you accept me in my monster suit? i’m not always wearing it. but when i do, i need for you to know that it’s temporary. and i’m going to love you as a monster, too. because i know there’s more to you than that.
i know it.
(sleeping at last- heaven breaks)